Hey there, I haven't talked to you in a while. I'm sorry you feel... disconnected? I don't know a good word. I'm feeling pretty bad myself. I'm always cranky and pissy now a day and I don't know why. Well, I've had a mini rant in your comments box. If ya ever wanna talk, just im me or something. ttyl <3

--
Being a smartass is better than being a dumbass...
,___,
(O,o) ORLY?
/)__)
^ ^
,___,
( - ,-) YEA RLY...
/)__)
^ ^

No. You hit me up if YOU wanna talk. Haha. I hardly ever just talk to people on my own. I'm used to not doing so.

--
She turned me into a newt!
--
I'm exactly like a pudding cup... Just without the cup, or the pudding.

I see. O.K. Well hmm... state was fun how 'bout that?

--
Being a smartass is better than being a dumbass...
,___,
(O,o) ORLY?
/)__)
^ ^
,___,
( - ,-) YEA RLY...
/)__)
^ ^

Yes, it was quite fun.

Sup?

--
She turned me into a newt!
--
I'm exactly like a pudding cup... Just without the cup, or the pudding.

Not much really, just being eaten alive by finals. D8>

--
Being a smartass is better than being a dumbass...
,___,
(O,o) ORLY?
/)__)
^ ^
,___,
( - ,-) YEA RLY...
/)__)
^ ^

I'm about to be in the same boat. We just took end of course exams, and now we have finals on top of that. UGHHH. Pre-ib finals, too. Epic suck!!

--
She turned me into a newt!
--
I'm exactly like a pudding cup... Just without the cup, or the pudding.

I'm so glad to read this, because we're kind of in the same place. I've been thinking that too, that I want to be the open person that people can talk to. I'm sick of feeling like being personable is a bad idea! I want to talk to people! I want to be a part of other people's lives! I'm reminded of this song, one of the lines is

why did you spend the nineties cowering?

That line hits me so hard because I realize that I'm sort of wasting my high school life (my youth!) "cowering," isolating myself, believing that most people don't have that much to offer. That's no way to live your life, especially this part of our life which we'll remember forever and probably think about all the time. This is that part of our life that determines so many aspects of where we end up. I don't want to waste it. I want to enjoy it with my friends, so I should probably have some. I get so caught up in my own things (art, writing, meditation, etc.) that I neglect my friends. I think a person without human interaction couldn't possibly have that kind, beautiful spirit that I so desperately want to have/hope I have. Another line in that same song is

you've got the spirit, don't lose that feeling

He says it about a thousand time and it resonates in my heart. As stupid as that sounds, I have no other way to explain the effect that it's had on me.

I don't know when it happened, but I do feel like we haven't been talking that much. We should rekindle our friendship.

--
knit me a scarf

We should. And we haven't been talking. I haven't talked to anyone really, in a long time.

I'm glad that you want friends again. I find you interesting and I like your ideas on life, even if we disagree sometimes.

Tell me more.

--
She turned me into a newt!
--
I'm exactly like a pudding cup... Just without the cup, or the pudding.

at four thirty this morning, I woke up to someone banging on my door. I went down to answer it and it's this guy (david) who I haven't seen in months because he went to arizona to live in the desert, which is intriguing to me and is something I have wanted to do for a few years. anyway, he was here all day showing me the pictures he took and the poems he wrote and the drawings he did. and it struck me that secluding myself the way that I have isn't this horrible thing like I just told you it was. It was good for me at the time, but now it's not good for me anymore. I realized that being alone and being surrounded by great friends are both really good things to do, you just have to know which is best for what time of your life. david didn't talk to ANYONE for two months. this is a poem he wrote at about the three week mark:

all of my life, I have ignored the existence
of the years, and so I was never
included. I buried the ancient earth
when I trod upon it.

now, they seem to surround me,
emerging like a life form
from the rock, and from the river
and from the soil. I watch the little
animals, and see all the incarnated
years of birth and death
and birth and death
and birth and death
and in the end,
only
existence.

I'm watching the unmoving ground
with specific intent.
I will be no dead man
when I die,
I'll just be
a man.



I was talking to him about it, and he said he realized that day that nothing is really born, lives, or dies. he realized the illusion of time which, even though most people accept, they don't really understand. he likened the idea, for sake of explanation, to the law of conservation of mass. everything that makes up your body is here before you're really born, and it's all here after you die. so you weren't really BORN and you didn't really DIE because the things that compose you were already here (on earth) and will continue to be. it's really just this big cycle. he said that birth and death and life only exist relative to time, which doesn't really exist either so none of it is real. he said everything is just a manifestation of the ancient earth. the ancient earth is all there is.

--
knit me a scarf